crossroad

As previously stated in numerous blogs over the past few weeks, my stammer is becoming a little frustrating or more to the point I AM becoming frustrating. I know what to do but simply can’t correct myself. Debbie said herself the other day that i have become complacent and i have to agree with her. I know that i have accepted my speech as it is but i don’t know whether this is good enough. Should i be pushing myself more? Am i becoming too self critical again? I’m stuck in a rut with my stammer and i really don’t know how to get out of it. I have noticed that when i’m talking to strangers i put my techniques into practice. I take a deep breath, slow my speaking right down and feel in control, HOWEVER and his is the frustrating bit when i’m talking to family, friends and people i know i go to pieces and just resort to how I’ve always been. I start rushing, making noises, tapping, blurting and interrupting. I know i’m doing it but simply can’t stop.

I’ve got five weeks until we go on our cruise and i’m desperate to do more. I don’t want Debbie to be the one ordering everything and doing all the talking. In January when i started this blog and made the conscious effort to be pro active i was feeling very confident about where i was going with this, but now i’m holding my hands up and saying HELP!! This is where i’m asking for some interaction from you guys. Can you give any me and tips or advice as how to conquer this? All suggestions welcome

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broken record

My week so far has been wait for it . . . . .  . exactly the same as last week and the week before that. For fear of sounding like a broken record and i do apologize if i am, there is nothing i can do about it. The techniques that were working so well originally have deserted me. I have totally forgotten what they were!! I’m speaking too fast again and Debbie says that i have started interrupting her again in order to get my words out (sorry Debbie!!, love you!!). The frustrating bit for me is that i genuinely don’t know what to do about it!!.

I’m happy with my weight loss. I’ve lost more than what i wanted. In fact I’ve lost too much lots of my new clothes are too loose (woohoo chocolate diet here i come). My asthma has been ok, it’s obviously making more of a difference now that we are having a warm spell long may it last. I’m probably a little too excited about the cruise which is rapidly upon on us. 42 days to be precious.

I do keep meaning to slow down a little but i’m finding it really hard. I will make a conscious effort this week to try honest!!. I’ve got a Friday, Sunday and Monday off this week and with the warm weather it gives me a chance to take charlie out on long walks. I love exploring with him although he occasionally gets us lost. This week we took him to his favourite place in the world the beach!!. Unfortunately as from the 1st of May we are limited to what areas of the beach he can go on but it is definitely Charlie’s best day out. I managed to get some good photos as well. Debbie found out my hood for the camera so I’ve been practicing with it. You can guess whats coming next can’t you!! Heres some photos for you to browse

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my week in general

After my rant on Sunday about how my stammer is this week has been . . . . . .. well surprise surprise more of the same. i’m still doing exactly the same as before and i just cannot get out the habit of doing it. My head is telling me to stop and start again my mouth is just ignoring it, however as in previous blogs i’m not too bothered about it. I am determined not to let it get me down and just focus on the positives and the steps i have taken to get here. My asthma is very much controlled now so i can’t use that as an excuse it’s just simply one of those things i just have to accept. I honestly didn’t expect to conquer my stammer and i will take the progress i am making. Small steps is a phrase i use in a lot of my blog but it does really sum how i feel perfectly. I’m 34 not 13 and am not going to pick things up straight away and boom perfection. Debbie will tell you i am very much set in my ways and i fear change but i will make it (eventually). As long as i am still putting myself in difficult situations and facing them i will be happy to continue as i am. I am hoping that now the warmer weather should be heading our way my asthma will start to ease also, the cold mornings plays havoc with my breathing especially as i cycle to work, hopefully things will improve, i am in the middle of doing a peak flow chart for the asthma clinic to assess and again once I’ve completed three weeks of it we shall see what happens.

This week we have taken the opportunity with the lighter evenings to get out for longer with Charlie, his favourite place is definitely the beach, he absolutely loves it, i’ve got a couple of photos of the beach in Sandown but it was a bitterly cold afternoon and my hands were freezing and i didn’t want to hang around too long as the wind coming of the sea was going straight though me and also we have gone down to the bird hut in alverstone, hopefully weather permitting i’ll be going to Osbourne House and Carisbrooke Castle this weekend

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Stammer rut

So for today’s post it’s back to the origins of why I started writing this in the first place my STAMMER. For about 6 weeks now I have been very lax with my speech and to be perfectly honest I don’t know quite how to get out of this rut I am in. The problem for me is that I’m happy with where my speech is, it’s far from perfect and I am much less fluent than I was when I first started my blog but because I don’t feel frustration anymore does this mean I’m not bothered? Should I continue with my techniques when I am content with how things are going?
It’s a strange situation for me and to be honest it has me stumped, I DO want to be more fluent especially with the cruise coming up so soon but I don’t want to push things either. Although I have done two things this week that I haven’t done since I started my blog. I made a joke about my stammer and also stopped talking altogether. I did notice that I did it though and it did annoy me that I did it maybe I’m more frustrated than I realised.
I’ve still not got round to try the tai chi that I wanted to do, I just can’t motivate myself to do it at the moment. I’ve spoken in the past about my complacency and again it’s still there I can’t shift it, don’t know how to get rid of it either !!
Been a strange few weeks all things considered

different week same story

For danger of sounding like a broken record this week has pretty much followed the path of the past couple of weeks. The cold mornings are definitely affecting my breathing which in turn is affecting my speech. I am trying to fight the frustration but it is getting harder and harder, i can feel myself pulling stupid faces when i am stuck and instead of stopping and taking a deep breathe and starting again i am not doing it and just continuing through the block. This is mainly at home which is probably to be expected as its where i am most comfortable and i don’t need to prove myself. I am not feeling stressed about the situation though as i’m hoping once the warm weather arrives my asthma will be less problematic. I have also noticed that i am speaking too fast again, but i am proud of that fact that i am spotting the signs and i know what i am doing wrong, ok fair enough i’m not being successful in applying the changes straight away but i am getting there honest!!!!. I don’t know why i speak too fast probably from being in a family unit with strong characters where you have to get your opinions out quick before someone else starts talking.

My goals for this week are to slow down my speaking and try to take deep breathes before and during a sentence.

With the warmer weather afternoons and lighter evenings we’ve taken the opportunity to walk Charlie for longer now and thats been really nice, i love being able to turn my head off for a while and also get my camera out. I was pleasantly suprised  by the feedback i received from my last blog so if you don’t mind dear readers i’d like to add a best of weekly photos. At the moment we’ve only got down to the bird hut  and surrounding areas in Sandown but once it gets warmer we can go exploring again, as you can see i do like a sunset and wildlife, Imagehope you enjoy the photos you’re feedback is always welcome. You never know this might be a new blog for me. I’ve got some great photos from past holidays that i can use so maybe i should start a new blog or keep it limited to this blog what do you think? should i combine the two subjects of stammering and photography?. I’m not so sure to be honest although one calms me down so the other is more fluent? Decisions decisions perhaps i should take a vote!!,

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chilling

Been nice having my days off the past couple of weeks, this week especially what with bank holiday Friday and Monday i am enjoying just switching my brain off so far and i still have one more day to go. My speech has been fine not perfect but i am happy with it, i still can’t quite get past the first word without making some kind of noise and although i have had a couple of really bad phone calls this week i am still satisfied with how things are going. I made a conscious decision last weekend not to be too hard on myself and just let things be, no matter how harsh i am on myself ( i have always been my own worst critic) i have to be proud of how far i have come over the last two months. Small steps over time is gonna be better for me than large steps in a short space of time, this isn’t a race or competition i am in so no need to rush things. The cold air at the moment is affecting my breathing therefore affecting my speech but i have to be pragmatic about it , there is nothing that can be done about that, as long as i take my inhaler i’m fine. Again as soon as i am in full flow my stammer is tolerable 

Whilst i am off i have been taking charlie (my beautiful dog) out with me. One of my hobbies is photography and although i get frustrated with some aspects of it i do really enjoy going out and taking photos. I’m a bit of a twitcher on the quiet and i love going down the local bird hut and seeing what i can find. It’s not just the odd bird that i take i love scenic shots as well as wildlife and I’m fortunately that i live on such a beautiful island and the scenery is breathtaking. Whenever we go out with Charlie i usually weather permitting taking my camera and usually take a few hundred photos for me to shift through when we get back, quite a lot go in the recycle bin as i put my camera onto burst mode so i get a lot of the same but it’s something that i really enjoy doing and it does really chill me out. I can only imagine the amount of photos i’m gonna come back with from the cruise!!!. When the summer’s here me and deb are usually out for a good few hours exploring with charlie our wonderful island, i’ve got thousands of photos that i’d love to share but i’ll limit them to a few honest. I do love my camera as it’s not too technical but it does take some wonderful shots, i can’t take all the credit although i would like to. I think it’s something that i would have liked to have gotten into when i was younger but it is a great hobby for me now.

A chilled out David is a happy David 

So i’ve posted a few of my favorites hope you enjoy themImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage