End of year struggles

So as we approach the end of year it’s probably time to recap how this year has gone, speech wise the first seven months were really encouraging and I was very pleased with how everything was going. The main goal for starting this blog was to build my confidence for the cruise and I felt that I was successful in that respect. I spoke to people on my own, ordered things at the bars and shops and generally was very happy with how the cruise went. I still had the odd moment but from January til July I was extremely content and pleasantly surprised with how well my stammer was under control.
Since July though things have sort of gone back to how they were before, I’ve not bothered with my breathing techniques and I have no one to blame for that but myself, maybe I am simply content being as I am, the cruise was just for show I suppose but I did think better of myself then. I wanted to fit in on the ship so as a result I definitely put more effort into breathing, stopping and starting again. July, August and September were acceptable speech wise but since then I feel like I have gone backwards. The past three weeks has been terrible, I’ve started feeling embarrassed about talking to people and little things that I thought I could cope with have started creeping back again. When people on my round give me Christmas cards I start stuttering and mumbling instead of simply saying thank you and on Friday I felt so embarrassed when someone asked me my name and I couldn’t answer,the person didn’t know where to look and started laughing nervously which made it worse, in the end he simply walked off. I haven’t felt that way for almost a whole year since I started this blog (hence why I am back writing today)
It’s a difficult one really because I am very happy in life generally and you would think that as a result my stutter would follow, but perversely because I’m content perhaps I don’t try as hard as I should speech wise. As always no one makes an issue of my stutter except me and without the support of Debbie and my boys I know I would be in a much worse state, so what do I do? Should I just carry on as things are or should I try again and redo what I did so successfully at the start of the year.
The year has had many ups ( cruise, first granddaughter and eldest’s wedding) but many downs. I have never known so many friends to have had such a difficult year and am hoping that 2014 brings in new luck for everybody. I’m very fortunate to be healthy and have so many good friends in my life and I am truly grateful for my immediate family. I may be a grumpy git some times but believe me there is nowhere else I would rather be. If I could ask one thing for 2014 it’s to continue to be healthy and have have the live and support of my family and friends (the lottery jackpot wouldn’t go amiss either)

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