tiredness leads to doubts

This week has been a funny old week really, I feel that my stammer has been a little worse than the past few weeks but i think its partly due to a couple of reasons:

1) My asthma has been quite bad this week in fact its the worse I’ve known it ( all three weeks since i was diagnosed with it). I thought it was the cold weather that would affect it but when it warmed up i still got breathless. The mist that came across in the week was an absolute killer for me. I was puffing on my inhaler more than i probably should have been ( by the way that not an euphemism for anything rude!!).

2) I am working a lot more recently and i am getting tired. I’m doing overtime to get extra spending money for mine and Debs second honeymoon (96 days to go and counting). To be honest its been a struggle but it’s all gonna be so worth it when we relaxing on board. Poor old Deb is getting fed up with hearing about the cruise every five minutes i can’t help it everyday we get closer i get more excited. 

Next week is going to be even worse i’m working possibly twelve hour days on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday so i am just gonna have to bear with it. Debbie thinks i’m being over critical which in fairness i probably am. One of my problems has always been i over think things and read into things which aren’t there. The major problem i’m finding at the moment is the start of the conversation. Once i am in full flow and have remembered my breathing and to slow my speech down i am fine its just that initial first word. I have noticed that i have started making strange noises when trying to get that first word out again, something that i had stopped, which is becoming slightly embarrassing especially when one old dear on my round today interrupted me to ask can you hear that strange noise? . I even started to tap today but i did stop myself from doing that which impressed me. Where i would previously let things go i am noticing things a lot more and stopping them 

Back to the cruise again (sorry Deb) part of my reasoning for trying to control my stammer is that i want to be able to do things for Debbie. I want to order things at the bar for her, i want to order my own food without having to look over to Deb for help, i know my speech has come on in leaps and bounds since i started writing my blog and i have the confidence now to do it, ok i wont be perfect every time but I’ve stopped expecting to fail now and i have stopped feeling like a failure which is all good. I did want to try and learn some phrases for where we are vising but to be honest norweigan, danish, Estonian, Russian, Finnish and Belgian is all Greek to me maybe one day i will learn another language but perhaps best if i conquer English first 


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