So after another busy week work wise I’ve had a very enjoyable day and half rest with Debbie. I look forward to Sundays with Debbie as this is the only day off we get together and i always use it to gauge feedback on my speech and how things have gone this week. I’m very lucky that i have such a good relationship with Deb that we’ve always been able to share things with each other and are able to work through things, yes we may criticize each other every now and again but once the sulking has stopped (usually me) we carry on track as normal. I feel that from Wednesday onwards my speech hasn’t been its most fluent and that maybe i have settled back into the routine of accepting it. I feel like i am becoming complacent and that i don’t need to use the techniques that i have been using successfully over the past few weeks,as in most of my recent blogs the trouble is starting the conversations especially with phonetic words b,c,d,f,s,t, etc starting words have always been an Achilles heel for me and this week has shown me there is still work to be done. However if i put things slightly into perspective it’s not really bothering me at the moment. Is this a good thing?, should i be constantly putting myself under pressure to talk fluently? .I feel like i am in a good place at the moment so surely i’m allowed a few off days? Then again if i have a few too many off days will that put me back where i was before Christmas.
It’s hard to figure it out at the moment. I do know that i have come on in leaps and bounds in a short time and perhaps I’ve peaked too early. I’m looking forward to having my day off this week for the first time in weeks and am thinking that maybe I’ve become complacent because I’ve had no real time to myself where i can just chill out. For the past few weeks I’ve been constantly on the go and maybe I’ve neglected myself. Poor Debbie and Charlie ( my dog) have been neglected as by the time i’m home i’m too knackered to do anything else but after this week I’ve achieved what i wanted to do in terms of getting enough spending money for our cruise so i am definitely going to cut back the on the amount of overtime i am doing, especially now when its staying lighter in the evenings now so we can walk charlie for longer. I like taking charlie our for long adventures it’s nice to sort of turn the brain of and not have to think, i enjoy taking photos as well and am truly lucky that i live in such a beautiful part of the country.
I do normally love taking time to myself on my day off especially, in terms of chilling out i usually go out with my iPod camera and charlie. Theres nothing better for me then going on a long walk taking photos of nature, birds, scenery etc, slightly antisocial maybe but if it helps why the devil not. Music is very important to me it’s helped me calm down on many occasions and chills me out immensely. I didnt really get into music until i was about 13 when Grant Pomeroy made me a mix tape of bands like Green Day, Pearl Jam, The Offspring, Red Hot Chili Peppers and the man who probably changed my life Kurt Cobain and Nirvana. I was brought up listening to Rod Steward on my dad’s side and the Smith’s on my mums and until then really only knew bands from Top Of The Pops and the Chart Shows but this music really opened my eyes. I found other bands past and present that really spoke to me and it’s been a continuation of that today. From the britpop and indie years of Mansun, Oasis, Blur etc I’ve mainly gotten into American and Canadian bands. My top 5 bands at the moment are Papa Roach, Shinedown, The Used, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Billy Talent. Papa Roach have been with me since 2000 i love all of there stuff, i remember my twin and his girlfriend at the time always used to complain about how depressing my music was but it’s always had the opposite effect on. Whenever I’ve had a really stressful day or having one i always play Papa Roach on my iPod and it all seems ok. I have to say i am quite lucky in that depression doesn’t really come into for me, any of you that are reading my twin’s blog the depressed moose know what he is going through but i can honestly say apart from a few days of self loathing and doubt i never really get depressed. Frustrated yes but that’s a totally different thing. I don’t know if depression is something that runs in my family, we aren’t by any stretch of the imagination a close family, we’ve never spoke to each other about feelings or anything like that which i think was a shame, i do sometimes envy families who are extremely close but then again would i want everyone’s problems to deal with along with mine?
I do understand where Garry is coming from sometimes and probably some of his problems stem from the fact that as a family we aren’t close at all. I have two brothers a sister and countless aunts and uncles but apart from one or two i don’t speak to any of them, me and my dad havent spoken since 2004 and even Garry and me went years without speaking. It is a shame that where we were quite close once we aren’t anymore, but surely that’s part of life? I don’t regret moving to the Isle of Wight to be with Deb and my life is 100 times better for it, i couldn’t imagine moving back to London