Sorry for my lack of blogs this week, nothing wrong just not been in a very writey mood that’s all, Been a struggle more last week than this but been difficult. I have been trying my techniques but have struggled coming to grips with it, which in turn leads to more frustration. My breathing hasn’t been very good and my chest has been getting tight so after visiting doctors he has sent me up the hospital for blood tests and an ECG. Had the blood test today and the ECG booked in for next Friday Debbie thinks that i may be developing asthma rather than any underlining problem. God knows what the doctor thinks as every time i go and see this particular doctor he insists i am diabetic. So i should find out in a couple of weeks whats up, i know something is up because i don’t feel right, going up and down stairs and hills is becoming harder than it should, especially because i am in the peak of fitness and have the body of a god (Buddha) Seriously though i am slightly concerned about it, Debbie keeps reassuring me that it will be ok and she is much more knowledgeable about medical things than me, but still i am a natural worrier. Funny thing is that because i’m feeling slightly stressed about my breathing it is actually making it worse as i’m back rushing my words and sentences. It’s a vicious circle i tell ya!!
However i am being positive, i have started looking into Tai Chi and have emailed someone about the classes, apparently Tai Chi concentrates on deep breathing meditation type exercises and i think this is something that would really help me. Obviously if i can control my breathing i am 75% of the way there as its mainly lack of breath that induces the stammer as i’m so intent of getting my words out that i forget to breathe . Another recommendation was yoga but i dont think i’m flexible enough to try that and i’m more likely to pull something.
I am still trying to speak to more people and use the phone more with various degrees of success. At the blood test today twice i was asked my name and date of birth and both times i simply froze BUT where previously that would bother me i composed myself, let the moment pass then carried on as if it hadn’t happened. This is a big step for me as normally i would retreat and just give one word answers. I know that i’m having a bad time of it at the moment but this is different. It’s not self inflicted its because i’m not right. Once i can get helped with the breathing i know now that i am confident enough in the techniques i have learned that i can master things. I noticed in my comments that some people think that i’m too negative but honestly i do feel positive about how things are going to develop. People that know me will tell you that i keep my cards pretty much to myself anyway but i am being positive. I’m doing things now that I’ve put off most of my life such as ordering things at a bar, phoning people up, answering the phone etc etc, all normal everyday tasks but these are massive for me. Highlight for me this week was surprising Debbie on valentines night and pre booking a table for us. Also the reaction to MC STAMMER was very pleasing and i am looking into other parodies too, watch this space
I have also been working on a book today, i couldn’t reach the top shelf and had to stand on it and that ladies and gentleman is comedy gold