So after yesterdays blog, Debbie asked me a question about what positive things do people do that help you? This question has been running through my mind all of last night and all of today and i still can’t answer it. The answer is simply nothing. This may sound negative or i may be coming across as bitter, depressive or something similar but i can honestly say i am none of these things (possibly bitter). I am quite positive about where i am going with my speech and these blogs although only a couple of days old are definitely helping me. Today for probably the first time ever i said to myself “I WILL CONTROL MY SPEECH” this may sound silly but to me its uplifting, most people will tell you that my speech controls me but today i made a conscious effort to STOP, BREATHE and START AGAIN. Simple enough you may say but to me its taken years to try and attempt and conquer. I have always let my mouth dictate whats being said instead of my brain. The best way i can ever describe it is my mouth playing catch up with my brain.
But back to the question in hand,i couldn’t answer Debbie i stammer around everybody and anybody. You would think i’d be more fluent around Debbie who has been with me since 2001 but in all honesty i’m as bad sometimes with her as i am a complete stranger. I am most fluent when i put into practise what my SLT taught me but its getting to do it, i’m probably lazy but once i start to stutter i physically can’t stop myself, i can hear my head saying simply stop but instead i block, start getting breathless or blurt. Frustrating is the word that i feel best describes how i feel about my stammer. I’m not depressed i have learnt to deal with having it and in a way i guess its me and it makes me unique whether i like it or not.
However i am really going to be positive about my stammer, today has been a good day i feel like i achieved some degree of fluency when talking to people which i havent done for a while. Debbie is really encouraging me to be more positive and its good to know that i have such a good support unit with her. Another big help yesterday was Brandon my nephew who also stammers, whilst messaging each other i said to him don’t let it hold you back like i did and he’s reply was simply well you’ve got a good life so the stutter mustn’t of held you back too much. He was absolutely right I’ve put to much emphasize on my speech without actually realizing that hold on a minute, I’ve got a great family, friends i can rely on, a job that i love and more importantly I’M HAPPY. How many people can say that?