helping?

A lot of people make the mistake of thinking they are helping a stammerer when they do one of a few things:

Interrupting you: Seriously it doesn’t help whatsoever, it throws us of board and makes things worse

Guessing: You may think you can guess what the next word is going to be but how could you?, most of the time the sound you hear isnt connected to the word we are trying to say

Eye- contact: I may be on my own here but from personal experience i CANNOT take being stared at, its very off putting to me and makes me feel even more uncomfortable then i already am

Helpful comments: Believe me aren’t, in the past I’ve had: take your time, there’s no rush, i can wait, just stop and breathe, start again. If you can name them I’ve probably heard it

Looking bored: i’m sorry if i’m taking to long to talk to you but trust me its more embarrassing for me than you, i can tell when your losing interest

Phoning me: Everyone who has my number knows my situation and knows i’m even worse on the phone, so why would you put me through the trauma of phoning me?

Most importantly this last one,

NEVER, EVER think you will ever be able to make a joke about my stutter: Yes i am the first to make a joke of it but thats different I CAN unless you have had to deal with it just for one single day you will never understand

My pet peeve is when someone interrupts me and guesses the next word, my brother was forever finishing my sentences when we were younger, yes he thought it was helpful it was the complete opposite, i’d go off feeling stupid and frustrated. If you notice that i’m stuck on a word my brain is already trying to find a different word to say, that’s the problem!! Put yourself in my shoes for a split second, how would you cope?

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3 thoughts on “helping?

  1. Thanks so much for writing this, I know you are doing it for yourself as a form of counseling or whatever, but my situation is that I am studying to become a speech therapist and for me the hardest part is that, as someone who has never had a speech problem, I am intensely aware that in a very real sense I don’t actually know what I’m talking about. As you put it, ‘unless you have had to deal with it just for one day you will never understand’.
    Anyway the point I am trying to make is that I find your writing style very articulate and honest and it helps me to at least know what it is that I don’t understand! So even though you are writing this for yourself, I just wanted to let you know that it is also helping other people as well. Thank you.

    • Thank you for your comments, I’m glad I can offer some perspective for you, it must be difficult for you but im pleased that you are trying to understand , that’s a big help to us stammers, if i can help in anyway I’m only too happy to, just let me know
      Dave

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